From: NBIVAX::LJENSEN "LARS JENSEN" 1-MAY-1995 13:53:38.46 To: NASTASE CC: Subj: X-NEWS: nbivax sci.physics: 95823 Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.0-3 14/03/90 VAX/VMS V6.1; site nbivax.nbi.dk Path: nbivax.nbi.dk!news.uni-c.dk!sunic!sunic.sunet.se!news.kth.se!nac.no!Norway.EU.net!EU.net!sun4nl!cs.ruu.nl!tijger.fys.ruu.nl!verhagen Newsgroups: rec.humor,sci.math,sci.physics,sci.chem Subject: science jokes (8/8) Message-ID: From: verhagen@fys.ruu.nl (Joachim Verhagen) Date: Mon, 24 Apr 1995 13:43:41 GMT Sender: usenet@fys.ruu.nl (News system Tijgertje) Organization: Physics and Astronomy, University of Utrecht, The Netherlands X-Nntp-Posting-Host: ruunat.fys.ruu.nl X-Newsreader: NN version 6.5.0 #3 (NOV) Lines: 1337 Xref: nbivax sci.math:84050 sci.physics:95823 sci.chem:14334 =6. ANECDOTES ABOUT SCIENTISTS M__________________________________________________________________________ (I'm not sure if the following one is a true story or not) The great logician Bertrand Russell (or was it A.N. Whitehead?) once claimed that he could prove anything if given that 1+1=1. So one day, some smarty-pants asked him, "Ok. Prove that you're the Pope." He thought for a while and proclaimed, "I am one. The Pope is one. Therefore, the Pope and I are one." [NOTE: The following is from merritt@Gendev.slc.paramax.com (Merritt). The story about 1+1=1 causing ridiculous consequences was, I believe, originally the product of a conversation at the Trinity High Table. It is recorded in Sir Harold Jeffreys' Scientific Inference, in a note to chapter one. Jeffreys remarks that the fact that everything followed from a single contradiction had been noticed by Aristotle (I doubt this way of putting it is quite correct, but that is beside the point). He goes on to say that McTaggart denied the consequence: "if 2+2=5, how can you prove that I am the pope?" Hardy is supposed to have replied: "if 2+2=5, 4=5; subtract 3; then 1=2; but McTaggart and the pope are two; therefore McTaggart and the pope are one." When I consider this story, I am astonished at how much more brilliant some people are than I (quite independent of the fallacies in the argument). Since McTaggart, Hardy, Whitehead, and Russell (the last two of whom were credited with a variant of Hardy's argument in your post) were all fellows of Trinity and Jeffreys (their exact contemporary) was a fellow of St. Johns, I suspect that (whatever the truth of Jeffreys' story) it is very unlikely that Whitehead or Russell had anything to do with it. The extraordinary point to me about the story is that Hardy was able to snap this argument out between mouthfuls, so to speak, and he was not even a logician at all. This is probably why it came in some people's minds to be attributed to one or other of the famous Trinity logicians. ___________________________________________________________________________ The following problem can be solved either the easy way or the hard way. Two trains 200 miles apart are moving toward each other; each one is going at a speed of 50 miles per hour. A fly starting on the front of one of them flies back and forth between them at a rate of 75 miles per hour. It does this until the trains collide and crush the fly to death. What is the total distance the fly has flown? The fly actually hits each train an infinite number of times before it gets crushed, and one could solve the problem the hard way with pencil and paper by summing an infinite series of distances. The easy way is as follows: Since the trains are 200 miles apart and each train is going 50 miles an hour, it takes 2 hours for the trains to collide. Therefore the fly was flying for two hours. Since the fly was flying at a rate of 75 miles per hour, the fly must have flown 150 miles. That's all there is to it. When this problem was posed to John von Neumann, he immediately replied, "150 miles." "It is very strange," said the poser, "but nearly everyone tries to sum the infinite series." "What do you mean, strange?" asked Von Neumann. "That's how I did it!" ___________________________________________________________________________ Von Neumann and Norbert Weiner were both the subject of many dotty professor stories. Von Neumann supposedly had the habit of simply writing answers to homework assignments on the board (the method of solution being, of course, obvious) when he was asked how to solve problems. One time one of his students tried to get more helpful information by asking if there was another way to solve the problem. Von Neumann looked blank for a moment, thought, and then answered, "Yes". Weiner was in fact very absent minded. The following story is told about him: When they moved from Cambridge to Newton his wife, knowing that he would be absolutely useless on the move, packed him off to MIT while she directed the move. Since she was certain that he would forget that they had moved and where they had moved to, she wrote down the new address on a piece of paper, and gave it to him. Naturally, in the course of the day, an insight occurred to him. He reached in his pocket, found a piece of paper on which he furiously scribbled some notes, thought it over, decided there was a fallacy in his idea, and threw the piece of paper away. At the end of the day he went home (to the old address in Cambridge, of course). When he got there he realized that they had moved, that he had no idea where they had moved to, and that the piece of paper with the address was long gone. Fortunately inspiration struck. There was a young girl on the street and he conceived the idea of asking her where he had moved to, saying, "Excuse me, perhaps you know me. I'm Norbert Weiner and we've just moved. Would you know where we've moved to?" To which the young girl replied, "Yes daddy, mommy thought you would forget." The capper to the story is that I asked his daughter (the girl in the story) about the truth of the story, many years later. She said that it wasn't quite true -- that he never forgot who his children were! The rest of it, however, was pretty close to what actually happened... ___________________________________________________________________________ The french scientist Ampere was on his way to an important meeting at the Academy in Paris. In the carriage he got a brilliant idea which he immediately wrote down ... on the wand of the carriage: dH=ipdl/r^2. As he arrived he payed the driver and ran into the building to tell everyone. Then he found out his notes were on the carriage and he had to hunt through the streets of Paris to find his notes on wheels. ___________________________________________________________________________ During a class of calculus my lecturer suddenly checked himself and stared intently at the table in front of him for a while. Then he looked up at us and explained that he thought he had brought six piles of papers with him, but "no matter how he counted" there was only five on the table. Then he became silent for a while again and then told the following story: "When I was young in Poland I met the great mathematician Waclaw Sierpinski. He was old already then and rather absent-minded. Once he had to move to a new place for some reason. His wife didn't trust him very much, so when they stood down on the street with all their things, she said: - Now, you stand here and watch our ten trunks, while I go and get a taxi. She left and left him there, eyes somewhat glazed and humming absently. Some minutes later she returned, presumably having called for a taxi. Says Mr. Sierpinski (possibly with a glint in his eye): - I thought you said there were ten trunks, but I've only counted to nine. - No, they're TEN! - No, count them: 0, 1, 2, ..." ___________________________________________________________________________ Albert Einstein, who fancied himself as a violinist, was rehearsing a Haydn string quartet. When he failed for the fourth time to get his entry in the second movement, the cellist looked up and said, "The problem with you, Albert, is that you simply can't count." ___________________________________________________________________________ From: Colin_Douthwaite@equinox.gen.nz (Colin Douthwaite) Einstein was attending a music salon in Germany before the second world war, with the violinist S. Suzuki. Two Japanese women played a German piece of music and a woman in the audience excaimed: "How wonderful! It sounds so German!" Einstein responded: "Madam, people are all the same." ___________________________________________________________________________ From: Colin_Douthwaite@equinox.gen.nz (Colin Douthwaite) This is a story I heard as a freshman at the University of Utah when Dr. Henry Eyring was still teaching chemistry there. Many years before he and Dr. Einstein were colleagues. As they walked together they noted an unusual plant growing along a garden walk. Dr. Eyring asked Dr. Einstein if he knew what the plant was. Einstein did not, and together they consulted a gardner. The gardner indicated the plant was green beans and forever afterwards Eyring said Einstein didn't know beans . I heard this second hand and I don't know if the story has ever been published... ___________________________________________________________________________ From: mstueben@tjhsst.vak12ed.edu (Michael A. Stueben) The English mathematician John Wallis (1616-1703) was a friend of Isaac Newton. According to his diary, Newton once bragged to Wallis about his little dog Diamond. "My dog Diamond knows some mathematics. Today he proved two theorems before lunch." "Your dog must be a genius," said Wallis. "Oh I wouldn't go that far," replied Newton. "The first theorem had an error and the second had a pathological exception." ___________________________________________________________________________ Professor Dirac, a famous Applied Mathematician-Physicist, had a horse shoe over his desk. One day a student asked if he really believed that a horse shoe brought luck. Professor Dirac replied, "I understand that it brings you luck if you believe in it or not." ___________________________________________________________________________ The following is supposedly a true story about Russell. It isn't really a math joke since it makes fun of the British hierarchy, but it's funny anyway.... Around the time when Cold War started, Bertrand Russell was giving a lecture on politics in England. Being a leftist in a conservative women's club, he was not received well at all: the ladies came up to him and started attacking him with whatever they could get their hands on. The guard, being an English gentleman, did not want to be rough to the ladies and yet needed to save Russell from them. He said, "But he is a great mathematician!" The ladies ignored him. The guard said again, "But he is a great philosopher!" The ladies ignore him again. In desperation, finally, he said, "But his brother is an earl!" Bert was saved. ___________________________________________________________________________ Another "true" story, kinda like the aforementioned urban legend: Enrico Fermi, while studying in college, was bored by his math classes. He walked up to the professor and said, "My classes are too easy!" The professor looked at him, and said, "Well, I'm sure you'll find this interesting." Then the professor copied 9 problems from a book to a paper and gave the paper to Fermi. A month later, the professor ran into Fermi, "So how are you doing with the problems I gave you?" "Oh, they are very hard. I only managed to solve 6 of them." The professor was visibly shocked, "What!? But those are unsolved problems!" ___________________________________________________________________________ When Boltzman gave a lecture on ideal gasses, he casually mentioned complicated calculations, which didn't give him any trouble. His students could not follow the fast mathematics and asked him to do the calculations on the blackboard. Boltzman apologized and promised to do better next time. The next lesson he began: "Gentlemen, if we combine Boyle's law with Charles's law we get the equation pv= p\sub 0 v\sub 0 (1 + a t). Now it is clear that \sub a S \sup b = f(x) dx x (a), then is pv=RT and \sub V S f(x,y,z) dV = 0. It is so simple as one and one is two. At this moment he remembered his promise and dutyfully wrote 1 + 1 = 2. Then he continued with the complicated calculations from his bare mind. ___________________________________________________________________________ From: kriman@acsu.buffalo.edu (Alfred M. Kriman) Wigner, Eugene Paul (11 Nov. 1902-1 Jan. 1995) About given name: born Jeno Wigner in BudaPest. Published as Eugen when in Germany, as Eugene after 1930 in U.S. About family name: there is an urban legend around Princeton University, that he once simply asked a graduate student, "How do you pronounce my name?" Got back an American pronunciation of the W, and thenceforth went by that pronun- ciation. In reality, he was too gentle and modest to correct anyone's pronunciation of his name. ___________________________________________________________________________ From: LHILL@Bridgewater.edu (L. Michael Hill) How about Charles Darwin when he saw a beetle and picked it up. He saw a second and picked that one up in the other hand. He then saw a third one which he really wanted. Not knowing what to do, he shoved one of the ones he was holding into his mouth in order to pick up the third one. The one in the mouth emmitted some kind of stuff which made him spit out the beetle and also lose the other two! ___________________________________________________________________________ It is told that Berthelot had a lab coat with a hole, through wich you could see his Legion d'Honneur. *__________________________________________________________________________ From: jpnairn@eworld.com (Jerry Nairn) There's the story of Sir Eddington, later to become known as Sir "Adding-one", at an interview with a reporter, in the 30s, I think. The interviewer said, "I've heard that you're one of the three people in the world who understand General Relativity." Eddington got a puzzled look on his face. The interviewer asked him what was the matter, and he replied, "I'm trying to think who the third person would be." *__________________________________________________________________________ From: Jim Hewitt AE was talking to one of his colleagues about quantum mechanics. The colleague kept using classical terms to discuss the quantum phenomema. Einstein finally said (something to the effect), "I can't be sure that I understand you because you are using the wrong words." *M_________________________________________________________________________ From: kovarik@mcmail.cis.mcmaster.ca (Zdislav V. Kovarik) Evariste Galois was not only a mathematical genius but also a dedicated revolutionary. Ironically, he proved that many problems cannot be solved by radicals. From: cxm7@po.CWRU.Edu (Colin Mclarty) Actually, on the math side, Galois showed how to tell when a problem CAN be solved by radicals (Abel earlier proved some can't). +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ =7. MNEMONICS =7.1 MNEMONICS ___________________________________________________________________________ From:alfa@werple.apana.org.au (Glenn Durden): Its a bit of a nasty word to spell though. From (I think) OMNI magazine a few years back: Mnemonics Neatly Eliminate Mans Only Nemesis - Insufficient Cerebral Storage. From: poodge@econBerkeley.EDU (Sam Quigley) How about a mnemonic for remembering how to spell "mnemonic?" My Nasty Editor Might Occaisonally Not Interpret Commas +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ =7.2 MATHEMATICS M__________________________________________________________________________ Pi: From: mshapiro@netlink.nix.com (Michael Shapiro) writes: Now I will a rhyme construct By chosen words the young instruct. Cunningly devised endeavor, Con it and remember ever. Widths of circle here you see. Sketched out in strange obscurity. From: stephan@artn.iit.edu (Stephan Meyers) Sir, I send a rhyme excelling In sacred truth and rigid spelling Numerical sprites elucidate for me the lexicon's full weight. If nature gain, who can complain tho' Doc Johnson fulminate. From: c1prasad@watson.ibm.com (prasad) Sir, I bear a rhyme excelling In mystic force and magic spelling; Celestial sprites elucidate All my own striving can't relate. From: gsc@cairo.anu.edu.au (Sean Case) Now I, even I, would celebrate in rhymes inept, the great immortal Syracusan rivall'd nevermore who in his wondrous lore passed on before left men his guidance how to circles mensurate. Americans can spell "rivall'd" as "rivaled", which works a lot better. From: thomas@melchior.frmug.fr.net (Thomas Quinot) For PI, we have in France : Que j'aime a faire apprendre un nombre utile aux sages Immortel Archimede, artiste, ingenieur Qui de ton jugement peut priser la valeur ? Pour moi ton probleme eut de pareils avantages. bhuntley@tsegw.tse.com (Brian Huntley) writes: How I need a drink, alcoholic of course, after the heavy chapters 3 1 4 1 5 9 2 6 5 3 5 8 involving quantum mechanics. 9 7 9 M__________________________________________________________________________ Here are some phrases used to remember SIN, COS, and TAN. (SIN = Opposite/Hypotenuse, COS = Adjacent/H, TAN = O/A). From: dannyb@panix.com (danny burstein): Soh-Kah-Toa Sine=opposite/hypotenuse, etc. From: stephan@artn.iit.edu (Stephan Meyers) Some officers add curly auburn hair to offer attraction From: kcousins@awadi.com.au (Kevin Cousins) Sydney Opera House: Costs are higher than originally anticipated. From: ahcson@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu (Tree Pig) how about Oscar Had A Hit Of Acid? write the first letter of each word along with the letters SCT like : S OH (sine = opposite/hypotenuse) C AH (cosine = adjacent/hypotenuse) T OA (tangent = opposite/adjacent) From: pdundas@bfsec.bt.co.uk (Paul Dundas) Two Old Angels Skipped Over Heaven Carrying A Harp From: pyotr@chinook.halcyon.com (Peter D. Hampe) Oscar Had A Heap Of Apples - you just have to remember the sine, cosine, tangent progression on your own. From: Andrew Rogers (rogers@sasuga.hi.com): Saddle Our Horses, Canter Away Happily, To Other Adventures. From: cs92dy@cen.ex.ac.uk sin/cos etc. Silly old Henry, caught Albert Hugging/Humping two old Aunts. From: heath@pi.cs.fsu.edu (Taliver B Heath) Oscar had a hairy old ass. SOHCAHTOA (sock-a-toe-a) The Cat Sat On An Orange And Howled Hard Some Old Hulks Carry A Huge Tub Of Ale Silly Old Hitler Caused Awful Headaches To Our Airmen Some Old Hag Cracked All Her Teeth On Asparagus Some Old Hairy Camels Are Hairier Than Others Are Silly Old Harry Caught A Herring Trawling Off America SOPHY, CADHY, TOAD From: raistlin@mentor.cc.purdue.edu (Paul) For remembering the sign of trig functions in the quadrants: All Suckers Take Calculus: in quadrants one through four C | A ---|--- T | S All=sin, cos, and tan are all posative Suckers=sine posative (others negative) Take=tangent posative (others negative) Calculus=cosine posative (others negative) M__________________________________________________________________________ Weber Tracy L (tweber@cc.brynmawr.edu): "Please excuse my dear aunt Sally" or "PEMDAS" Default operator precedence () ^ * / + - From: g4klx@g4klx.demon.co.uk (Jonathan Naylor) I was taught a longer version at school: "Brackets of my dear aunt Sally" Which nicely included the fact that brackets and "of" were higher in precedence that * / + -. Being a bunch of nasty snivelling (sp?) ten year olds, we changed it to "Bollocks of my dear aunt Sally". For our American readers, Bollocks == Gonads. Not biologically correct but who cares ? From: magyar@hss.caltech.edu (Ted Turocy) Please excuse my dear aunt Sally parentheses exponents multiplication division addition subtraction M__________________________________________________________________________ From: boingo@agora.rdrop.com (Capuchin=Jeme A Brelin) Quotient rule for derivatives ala Cab Calloway: Hodehi minus hideho over hoho. M__________________________________________________________________________ From: ssw@hamlet.umd.edu (Susan Schwartz Wildstrom) My friend and colleague, Lynn Gruner (who teaches BC Calculus with me at Walt Whitman HS in Bethesda, MD) has altered the quotient rule song that we received some years back. Her version (sung to OLD MACDONALD'S FARM) goes like this: Lo-de-hi less hi-de-lo EIEIO Then draw the line and down below EIEIO With a dx here and a dy there Here a slope, yes there's hope, you can cope Denominator squared will go EIEIO I composed a chain rule "song" to the tune of Allouette, but it's too long to be of much value as a mnemonic. The point of the song certainly underscores how the chain rule works, but it's not one you'd be likely to remember. On another mathematical subject, Lynn also uses EIEIO as a mnemonic for extracting roots and when the absolute value symbols are required in the answer Even Index, Even In yielding Odd (exponents). +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ =7.3 COMPUTER SCIENCE A__________________________________________________________________________ From: jbaldwin@teleport.com (Jim Baldwin) For the order of declarations in Pascal: Let's Cook Textured Vegetable Protein For: Labels, Constants, Types, Variables, Procedures A__________________________________________________________________________ From: tomv@vismag.limmat.net.ch (Thomas Voirol) Two stupid ones: CAFE - the positive (or unsigned) first nibble in EBCDIC numbers DB - the negative e.g. C3 = +3 F8 = 8 (unsigned) D9 = -9 33 45 7C = +33'457 (packed decimal) A__________________________________________________________________________ From: fanf@moggy.inmos.co.uk (Anthony Finch) PCMCIA: People Can't Remember Computer Industry Acronyms damn! no, that's wrong -- it should be "Memorise". It must be true... (even though it's not a mnemonic) From: khm@skom.se (Karl-Henry Martinsson) Or, as Brendan McGuire (Executive Director of PCMCIA) said: President Clinton Makes Cornbread In Arkansas A__________________________________________________________________________ From: bigbear@garlic.com Computing: You don't go to the STORE to get VD. The 360 instructions for which the second operand, instead of the first, is the recipient of the data. (STORE and cVD- convert to decimal) +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ =7.4 PHYSICS P__________________________________________________________________________ slavins@psy.man.ac.uk (Simon Slavin) writes: And the planet one (which I got from Robert A. Heinlein): Mother very thoughtfully made a jam sandwich under no protest. for: Mercurius, Venus, thoughfully = Terra = Earth, Mars, Asteroids, Jupiter, Saturnus, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto. From: snowhare@xmission.com (Snowhare) Mike Bandy wrote on 20 Jul 1994 09:33:13 -0400: Most Volcanoes Erupt Mouldy Jam Sandwiches Under Normal Pressure Many Viscious Earth Monsters Just Sat Under Nellies Porch From: dolf@echo.tds.philips.nl (Dolf Grunbauer) Planets in the solar system. My Very Excellant Memory Just Stores Up Nine Planets. From: badger@phylo.life.uiuc.edu (Jonathan Badger) My Very Educated Mother Just Sent Us Nine Pizzas Actually, currently, I guess it is Pizzas Nine... From: jeff.zeitlin@execnet.com (Jeff Zeitlin) Planets of the Solar System, in order: My Very Extravagant Mother Just Sent Us Nine Parrots. When Pluto comes closer to the sun than Neptune: ... Just Sent Us Pine Nuts. From: kirrilyr@union3.su.swin.edu.au (Kirrily Robert - SINN Editor) Many Very Early Mornings Julie Sits Up Naming Planets peters@nms.otc.com.au (Peter Samuel) wrote: My favourite is for remembering the planets in our solar system: Most Volcanoes Erupt Mouldy Jam Sandwiches Under Normal Pressure From: ted_swift@qm.sri.com (Ted Swift) Matilda Visits Every Thursday, Just Stays Until Noon, Period. From: tomv@vismag.limmat.net.ch (Thomas Voirol) A German one: Mein Mercury my Vater Venus father Erklaert Earth explains Mir Mars (to) me Jeden Jupiter every Sonntag Saturn sunday Unsere Uranus our Neuen Neptune new Plaene Pluto plans This will help you remember the sequence of sol's planets. If you speak German, that is... P__________________________________________________________________________ From: rjohnson@apple.com (Rob Johnson) The constellations of the zodiac: A Tense Gray Cat Lay Very Low Sneaking Slowly Contemplating A Pounce r a e a e i i c a a q i i u m n o r b o g p u s e r i c g r r i r a c s u n e o a p t i r e s i r i t c i s o a o u r r s i n u s P__________________________________________________________________________ From: eng20216@leonis.nus.sg (CHEW JOO SIANG) How bout the one for the colours of the rainbow - Virgin In Bed Gives You Orgasmic Release For : violet, indigo, blue, green, yellow, orange, red. From: dtrg@st-andrews.ac.uk (David Thomas Richard Given) Rip Off Your Goolies Before I Vomit From: pdundas@bfsec.bt.co.uk (Paul Dundas) Richard of York gave battle in vain From: drory@buphyk.bu.edu (Alon Drory) Or the one I picked up from an Asimov essay: Read Out Your Good Book In Verse He also said that since Violet was just a fancy-schmancy word for purple, more populistic minded people could also Read Out Your Good Book In Prose From: avg@sprintlink.net (Vadim Antonov) Russian for spectrum colors: Kazhdyi Okhotnik Zhelayet Znat' Gde Sidit Fazan every hunter wants to_know where sits a_fazan (a kind of bird) Krasnyi Oranzhevyi Zhyoltyi Zelenyi Goluboy Siniy Fioletvyi Red Orange Yellow Green Lt_Blue Blue Violet From: ingvar@ki.se (Ingvar Mattsson) Or ROY G BIV, for the same colours in the opposite direction. From: mchndnd@marie.physik.tu-berlin.de (Neil Dobson) Or ROY G BIV, for the same colours in the opposite direction. Roy G. Biv, Roy G. Biv, He's the colour quaddie That the spectrum gives. Lois McMaster Bujold. P__________________________________________________________________________ From: sjt@xun8.sr.bham.ac.uk (James Tappin) From: cummings@u.washington.edu (Mike Cummings) Stellar spectral classes: Oh be a fine girl, kiss me right now - SMACK For: 0, B, A, G, G, K, M, R, N. From: lou@xilinx.com (Lou Sanchez-Chopitea) Oh be a fine girl, kiss me right now sweetheart From: cummings@u.washington.edu (Mike Cummings) Oh Big And Ferocious Gorilla, Kill My Roommate Next Saturday! Only Boring Astronomers Find Gratification Knowing Mnemonics. From: lrmead@whale.st.usm.edu (Lawrence R. Mead) On bad afternoons fermented grapes keep Mrs. Richard Nixon smiling. P__________________________________________________________________________ From: garret@mrao.cam.ac.uk (Garret Cotter) And while we are on the topic of color, how about the one for recalling spectrographic notation: Sober Physicists Don't Find Giraffes Hiding In Kitchens. P__________________________________________________________________________ From: rjc@mail.ast.cam.ac.uk (Robert Cumming) I used to remember Newton's First Law by singing it (sotto voce, _of course_) to the tune of the Birdie Song: Every body continues in its state of rest Or of uniform motion Until compelled by some external force to change that state of rest Or of uniform motion P__________________________________________________________________________ From: claybake@cae.wisc.edu (Peter Jon Claybaker) Q: What's new (nu)? A: mu / rho It's the only way I can rememeber the relationship between absolute and kinematic viscosity. P__________________________________________________________________________ From: mje@pookie.pass.wayne.edu (Michael J. Edelman) Another favorite, learned late in life, for electronics types: Eli the Ice man. It's for remembering whether current leads voltage or lags it in reactive circuits. In inductive ('L') circuits, voltage ('E') leads current ('I'), hence 'E L I'. In capacitive ('C') circuits, it's the other way, so 'I C E'. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ =7.5 CHEMISTRY C__________________________________________________________________________ From: lawson@pax.llnl.gov (William S. Lawson) From: DPierce@world.std.com (Richard D Pierce) How about Feynman's mnemonic for the third period of the periodic table: "NeNa, M'gAl, SiPS Chlorine"? H H He Li Be B C N O F Ne Na Mg Al Si P S Cl Ar From: cummings@u.washington.edu (Mike Cummings) Let me offer this one, see if it's any better. A High School teacher taught me, "H! HeLiBebCNOFNeNaMgAlSiPSiCl!" Not much help, huh? Here's a pronunciation key: "H!" (Just make a loud H, then pause, looking as if you're about to pounce. Nice dramatic effect that gets the listener's attention.) "Heh-Lee-Beb-K'Noff-" (Easy so far) "N'Nahm" (That's N(schwa) - Nahm[rhymes with bomb]) "Gall-Sip-Sickle" From: mjh22@mrao.cam.ac.uk (Martin Hardcastle) OK, _my_ high school teacher had the following: "Hell! Here're Little Beatniks Brandishing Countless Numbers Of Flick kNives." H He Li Be B C N O F er, Ne "Naughty Maggie Always Sips Pure Sweet Claret" N Mg Al Si P S Cl He couldn't remember any more after that, so nor can I. From: kirrilyr@union3.su.swin.edu.au (Kirrily Robert - SINN Editor) "Hi Helen, Little Betty Boron Can Not Often Find Neddy. Naughty Meg Always SiPS Chlorine in Kenny's Car" From: harper@kauri.vuw.ac.nz (John Harper) And in chemistry we eventually learnt to pronounce the following, though each line seems harder than the one before: HHeLiBeBCNOF NeNaMgAlSiPSCl AKCaScTiVCrMnFeCoNiCuZnGaGeAsSeBr (this was before they changed it to ArKCa...) KrRbSrYZrNbMoTcRuRhPdAgCdInSnSbTeI but I must admit I didn't find the rare earths memorable this way. C__________________________________________________________________________ We got german, french and russian in this thread. Time for a dutch one. The electro-negativity of Metals: Karolientje NAaktgeboren MaG ALleen op ZoN en FEestdagen SNoepen. Caroline nakedborn may only on sun- and Holliday eat sweets. (=real dutch family name) ProBeer Haar te Kussen(=Cu) achter(Ag) de Platina AUto. Try her to kiss behind the platina car. From: matthew@tadtec.co.uk (Matthew Sweet) But in english: Please Send Little Charlie McKie A Zebra If The Horse Can't Munch Sweet Green Plants Potassium, Sodium, Lithium, Calcium, Magnesium, Aluminium, Zinc, Iron, ?Tin? Hydrogen Copper, ?Mercury?, Silver, Gold, Platinum +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ =7.6 BIOLOGY AND MEDICINE ___________________________________________________________________________ Cranial nerves: From: sterner@upenn5.hep.upenn.edu (Kevin Sterner) On Old Olympus's Towering Top, A Finn And German Viewed Some Hops From: mje@pookie.pass.wayne.edu (Michael J. Edelman) On Old Olympus' towering top, a fat-assed german veiwed a hop. From: john.tant@exchange.com (John Tant) The 12 cranial nerves, On Old Olympus, Terry Tried Abducting Fanny After Giving Vegas Some Help Oh, oh, oh, to touch and feel a girl's vagina- ah, heaven! From: spbcajk@ucl.ac.uk (Mr Andrew John Kale) Oh, Oh, Oh To Touch A Fair Virgin's Glistening Vagina And Hymen for the twelve cranial nerves: Olfactory, Optic, Oculomotor, Trochlear, Trigeminal, Auditory, Facial, Vestibulocochlear, Glossopharyngeal, Vagus, Accessory, Hypoglossal ___________________________________________________________________________ From: abw@bu.edu (Al Wesolowsky) Anatomy, for the bones of the wrist: "Never lower Tillie's pants. Grandmother might come home." Navicular Lunate Triquetral Pisiform Greater Multangular Lesser Multangular Capitate Hamate From: spbcajk@ucl.ac.uk (Mr Andrew John Kale) I was always taught this as : Scabby Lucy Tried Peeing Having Copulated Twenty Times Scaphoid Lunate Triquetral Pisiform Hamate Capitate ... and two others I've forgotten (it was a long time ago!) B__________________________________________________________________________ From: dpbsmith@world.std.com (Daniel P. B. Smith) Biology: Kings play cards on fairly good soft velvet. (Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, Species, Variety). From: gjb@evolving.com (Gregory Bloom) Then there's the ever-popular 'King Phillip Cuts Open Five Green Snakes' for Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, Species From: alderc@aol.com (Alder Castanoli) King Philip Came Over From Germany Speedily From: joev@garden.WPI.EDU (Joseph W. Vigneau): Ian Young wrote: King Phillip Came Over For George's Sword From: joev@garden.WPI.EDU (Joseph W. Vigneau): King Phillip Came Over For Good Sex From: scs@eskimo.com (Steve Summit) King Philip can only farm green spinach. From Charlie Gibbs (Charlie_Gibbs@mindlink.bc.ca): King Phillip Came Over for a Glass of Scotch From: ab401@freenet.carleton.ca (Paul Tomblin) King Phillip: Come Out For God's Sake. (From Colin Fletcher, "The Man Who Walked Through Time" - a book about a walk down the length of the Grand Canyon) From: sichase@csa5.lbl.gov (SCOTT I CHASE) King Phillip Came Over From Germany, Stoned on Gin, Rum, and Vodka. This gives you subspecies classifications as well (variety, etc.) From: badger@phylo.life.uiuc.edu (Jonathan Badger) Kraft Parmesian Cheese On Fingers Gets Sticky B__________________________________________________________________________ From: Peter Berger All Chaperones Must Previously Have Had Sex. Animalia, Chordata, Mammalia, Primata, Hominidae, Homo, Sapiens. Man's taxonomy. B__________________________________________________________________________ From: sclatter@littlewing.Eng.Sun.COM (Sarah Clatterbuck) Then there's my personal fave, because I made it up: "Lazy zebras ponder dire disasters." leptotene zygotene polytene diplotene diakinesis I think the spellings may be wrong. They're the five sub-phases of the prophase of mitosis (cell division). +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ =7.7 MISCELLANY ___________________________________________________________________________ From: cbutler@bnr.ca (Chris Butler) writes: I remember one for the metric system: "King Hector Doesn't Usually Drink Cold Milk" for Kilo 1000 Hecto 100 Deca 10 Units 1 Deci 0.1 Centi 0.01 Milli 0.001 From: jsandler@encore.com (Jeff Sandler) My math teacher, who taught us a similar one, must have been more..um... sadist. "Kill Hector Dead , Dear Cousin Milli." ___________________________________________________________________________ From: davek@microware.com (Dave Kimble) MUSIC: order of sharps: Father Charles Goes Down And Ends Battle order of flats: Battle Ends And Down Goes Charles' Father ___________________________________________________________________________ Richard F. Drushel wrote: Every good boy does fine = line notes, treble clef, bottom to top From: harper@kauri.vuw.ac.nz (John Harper) Every good boy deserves food though girls quoted it as: Every good boy deserves flogging. E__________________________________________________________________________ From: jmpierce@medea.gp.usm.edu (Jim M. Pierce) Color codes resistors: 'Bad Boys Rape Our Young Girls But Violet Gives Willingly, Get Some Now.' black brown red yellow green blue violet grey white gold silver GSN stands for the plus or minus bit... 5 percent, 10 percent, and 20 percent. i.e. 100 ohms, plus or minus 5 percent. From: jac@ds8.scri.fsu.edu (Jim Carr) Bad Boys Rape Our Young Girls But Violet Gives Willingly, for Gold or Silver. From: tonyg@kcbbs.gen.nz (Tony Garnock-Jones) : Yes, but I always get stuck trying to remember is "bad" black or is : "boys"? I always forget without difficulty. Blue and the two g's I can : remember no problem. BlAck -> BAd BrOwn -> BOys BlUe -> BUt The second letter of each B-word is the _third_ letter of the word it stands for :-) Neat pattern... From: rcsacw@rwc.urc.tue.nl (Christ van Willegen) Black bastards Rape Our Young Girls But Violet Gives Willingly. (offending, but easier to remember black, brown) From: wingo@apple.com (Tony Wingo) This alternative version solves that problem: Blackie Brown rapes our young girls but violet gives willingly. From: woodman@bnr.ca (Dave Woodman) "Billy Brown Revives On Your Gin, But Values Good Whisky." From: jlowrey@skat.usc.edu (Fritz Lowrey) Bad Beer Rots Our Young Guts, But Vodka Goes Well Grant Edwards wrote: Better Be Ready, Or Your Great Big Venture Goes West. (goes west = fails, dies) From: eeyimkn@unicorn.nott.ac.uk (M. Knell) My eternal favourite (and the one that nobody's mentioned yet): Black Beetles Running On Your Garden Bring Very Good Weather From: thomas@melchior.frmug.fr.net (Thomas Quinot) French version : Ne Mangez Rien Ou Jeunez, Voila Bien Votre Grande Betise. ___________________________________________________________________________ From Charlie_Gibbs@mindlink.bc.ca: There's no red port wine left. (navigation light colours) ___________________________________________________________________________ From: bigbear@garlic.com Geology: Terrible Giants Can Find Alligators Or Quaint Tigers Conveniently Digestible. Hardness scale for minerals: Talc, Gypsum, Calcite, Flourite, Apatite, Orthoclase feldspar, Quartz, Topaz, Corundum, Diamond. ___________________________________________________________________________ From: dpbsmith@world.std.com (Daniel P. B. Smith) Geology: "Come on, see daring men play polo." (Cambrian, Ordovician, Silurian, Devonian, Mississippian, Permian, Pennsylvanian). "Phooey! Even old men play polo, right?" (Palaeocene, Eocene, Oligocene, Miocene, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Recent). From: john.tant@exchange.com (John Tant) Campbell's Onion Soup Does Make People Puke. ___________________________________________________________________________ From: jeff.zeitlin@execnet.com (Jeff Zeitlin) From navigation, for converting between True, Magnetic, and Compass directi applying variation and deviation: True virgins make dull company Or backwards: can dead men vote twice +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ =8. PRANKS C__________________________________________________________________________ by Alan Meiss, ameiss@gn.ecn.purdue.edu Wherein the author relates the Tale of the Exploding Pen. Everyone who's taken high school chemistry probably has some entertaining stories of experiments not included in the syllabus, myself included. A friend and I did a great deal of spontaneous research in our class involving myriad flame tests and chemical combinations "Mother Nature never intended." I recall one time when the teacher left the room, and my friend dashed into the storeroom in the back to see what he could filch. He returned with a heaping handful of silver nitrate powder, which isn't exactly recommended handling procedure for this chemical. When rapid discomfort made him dispose of this material, the rest of us observed to our amazement that his entire hand had turned silver. By the end of the day it had turned purple. But all this, of course, is peripheral to the Tale of the Exploding Pen. One day in Chemistry class we were using calcium metal, which reacts with water to give off hydrogen gas and heat. This was definitely Nifty, and I saved several pieces. It became a source of amusement to drop it in a puddle of water and watch it bubble and sputter, then quickly hand it to someone during a quiet class to provoke an alarmed bellow (the stuff got pretty hot). By the afternoon I had one piece left, which I, based on thought processes that now entirely elude me, stored, along with some water, in my pen, one of those Bic Biros with the large white barrel and detachable endcap. It soon slipped my mind that I'd done this, and I went on my way to Biology class. Midway through class, we were wrapping up an experiment, with the teacher giving a lecture and the class taking notes. I was standing in the back of the room, writing down final data from our petri dishes of E. Coli, when my pen exploded. It was very loud, louder than a firecracker, and I looked up to see every face in the class staring at me and the remnant of my pen with great alarm. The resulting silence was finally broken when someone muttered "his pen exploded!" I tried to play it cool, giving my pen as cursory an inspection as possible, as if this were a frequent occurence of little concern, and returned to an extroadinarily studious job of note-taking. The teacher just smiled and continued the lecture in a bit; I guess he was used to this sort of thing. We had some other interesting experiences in this biology course, including the development of Live Chicken Bowling, and the concealment of chickens in people's personal belongings. In one class I remember, one of the kids wadded up paper towels into a foot-wide ball, and for reasons I don't fathom arrived at the decision to set it on fire when the teacher left the room. Too late it occcurred to him that a large ball of fire is fairly conspicuous in a classroom setting, so he stuffed it into the lab drawer beside his desk just before the teacher returned. The sudden earnest interest in the lecture he tried to demonstrate was not enough to distract from the smoke rising from his desk, however, and he got in a significant amount of trouble. But let me return once again to Chemistry class. In all, it was a fairly boring class, and we even had to pursue non- flammable entertainment. I programmed a Blackjack game on my pocket computer, and we would pass it around the class for all to play. A lively betting pool would sometimes start when the score got high. One day we managed to play a full game of Risk in the back of the room during lecture. Some of us would spend a half an hour at a stretch duplicating Muppet noises from Sesame Street episodes: "Tiiiick Tooooock BrrrrrrrRING! Yupyupyupyup". Others would interupt any rare quiet moments by yanking leg hairs from other guys wearing shorts. None of this infantilism, however, can compare to the mayhem related to me by one of my roommates that went on in his own high school chemistry class. He had a particularly anarchic chem class that seemed to involve an impressive amount of pyrotechnics. On one occassion, someone threw a fist-sized chunk of potassium metal in a sink full of water, which destroyed it (both sink and water) with a great shower of sparks. Another time his classmates covered an entire desktop with infamous nitrogren tri-iodide, an unstable compound made from ammonia and iodine that explodes when touched, leaving purple stains. They detonated it by throwing a paper airplane, blowing the top off the desk. In an act of tremendous stupidity, they filled an entire liter beaker with the gray incendiary material from sparklers, and when some fool tossed in a match, the resulting column of fire burned holes in both the table and ceiling. In an extra-curriculur adventure, they piled a mound of thermite they'd prepared in class on a particularly despised person's driveway. When ignited, it blasted a foot wide hole through the concrete and down to the dirt. Their most notable "achievement", however, was placing in someone's locker in a dish of water a large chunk of some unknown material that gives off noxious odors when moist. He said that the resulting nauseating stench spread through the entire school. One girl barfed in mid-sprint to the bathroom, and the school had to evacuate the building and cancel classes for the rest of the day. In an entire semester of Chemistry class, his only remotely educational experience was learning to make soap, and he had to repeat the subject here at Purdue, minus the pyrotechnics. PCB________________________________________________________________________ From: junep@bu.edu (June Peckingham) I recall those days of high school science pranks well. (although our chem teacher was much to smart to ever leave sodium of potassium where we could find it). -Earth Science - learning to burn skin with a magnifying glass. Also learned that chalk, when heated with a magnifying glass, will explode. -Biology - Actively participated in an experiment to kill the mutant fish that lived in the aquarium. We tried everything - soda, windex, acid. These guys were tough. The other high point of bio was having a frog pee down my friend's arm, cool. -Chemistry - In a neighboring school one of the hooligans superglued everything in the classroom. The teacher was infuriated. When he went to sit down he found that his chair was also stuck in place. He did succeed in moving it, only by removing the four floor tiles it was glued to. My high school chem teacher was too scary to try anything fun on. I did manage to light a table on fire though. -Physics - Our physics teacher was cool. He let us form a line into the hall and use the power of the Van de Graph generator to shock passers by. hehe. We also got to chop a large block of wood off his stomach to demonstrate inertia. He taught us the 'to every force there is an equal and opposite..' by throwing himself against a wall while wearing roller skates. C__________________________________________________________________________ From: arildj@edb.tih.no (Arild Jensen) A friend of mine got a hold of a large chunck of potassium metal which he brought to a party. He managed to dare another guy to make it explode. The other guy wasn't of the brightest type, and he didn't believe it would explode in contact with water. Anyhow, stupid as he was, he went to the bathroom and thew it into the toilet. Nothing happened, so he went back out again, saying to my friend "Hey, nothing happe...." BANG!!!!!!!!!!!!! The whole bathroom was covered with smoke, and the toilet-seat was completely ruined, cracked and everything. The guy who held the party had to use the neighbors bathroom the following week, until his own one got repaired. C__________________________________________________________________________ From: pkukla@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (Peter Kukla) When I was in High School, one of my classmates was having a serious problem with people stealing his lunch. Every day it disappeared from his locker (don't recall whether his lock was broken off or what.) Complaining to the principal did no good, so he went to his father, a pharmacist. His father gave him some substance (Silver Nitrate) which didn't discolor the food, but which turned your skin black or purple when you came in contact with it. This guy liberally coated his food with it, and waited. I was fortunate enough to see the results. Another classmate, who had ostensibly gone to the bathroom, returned to the math class, hiding his hands and face as best he could. It didn't work - his dyed skin was obvious. A cohort of his didn't even bother to return to class, he just fled the school for the day. C__________________________________________________________________________ From: meyerar@scooby.beloit.edu (Arden Meyer) When I was in High School, my chemistry teacher had the privilege of scaring most of the freshman chem class. He had a wooden cutting block set out on the bench at the front of the class, with a large butcher's knife. After everyone took their seats, he produced an apple, two 200 mL beakers containing clear fluid, an empty 500 mL beaker, and an eye dropper. He proceeded to cut the apple in half, and then place the knife back in a locked drawer (he didn't trust us!). With the dropper, he squirted some of liquid A onto one half of the apple, and we all saw it eat away at the apple rather quickly. Then, after rinsing the dropper, he squirted some of liquid B onto the remaining half of the apple, which also ate it away. He then poured liquid A and liquid B into the 500 mL beaker, and swirled the mixture for a few moments (about twenty seconds). He then downed the whole thing in one big swallow! As it turned out, liquid A was hydrocloric acid, and liquid B was sodium hydroxide. They were both of the same molarity, and so when mixed, they produced salt water. The most interesting happening of this was the next year, when a young lady passed out as the teacher swallowed his drink... ## if you have the stupidity to try this, make sure you know alot about chemistry and that you get the concentrations right!!! ## C__________________________________________________________________________ From: glyle@marie.seas.ucla.edu (George Lyle (233789)) Not quite a prank, but dang funny: While I was in a high school chem class, the teacher was showing how to properly heat a test tube with a Bunsen burner. He said "never point the mouth of the tube toward you like this (pointing tube at his head)" Always point the test tube away from your body (turns test tube away). At that instant, the alcohol/acid solution in the tube shot out and ignited, flaming a 5 foot periodic table on the wall. Half of class broke out laughing while other half was frozen in seats. Teacher grabs fire bottle and puts out fire. Teacher never gave that demo in the same way again! C__________________________________________________________________________ From: tomcheng@soda.berkeley.edu (Thomas T. Cheng) We must have had the same chem teacher or something. The exact same thing happened in our class, except it was our homework that caught on fire. C__________________________________________________________________________ From: michaec@beaufort.sfu.ca (Strider Coyle) This happened to me, except the *bottom* of the tube blew off and lit my binder on fire. P__________________________________________________________________________ From: isoner@clt.fx.net (Isoner) My science teacher gave a demonstration on electric current by makeing circits in beakers of salt water. Then he dropped it so that half of it was in a beaker and the other half was out. Theoreticaly he should have been able to pick it up with no problem because it was not completeing a circut. would have been safe, except he was leaning against the metal plumbing. He almost put a dent in the chalk board. Later in the year he used the gas lines in the class rooms to blow bubbles and them ignite them with a match. There is still a scorch mark uon the celing. C__________________________________________________________________________ From: Trish or CJ When I was in high school I pulled off this particular prank. This one guy in the class was always pissing me off, so I conspired to make a fool of him in front of the class. The next day during chem lab, we were informed that we would be using concentrated sulfuric acid, which is clear. Anyway, during the lab, I took the beaker full of sulfuric acid (and this is the kind of stuff that burns through flesh) and hid it behind a desk. I then filled an identical beaker full of steaming-hot, but not burning-hot water. I used a wax pencil to write on the outside. 'Concentrated Sulfuric Acid'. Then I walked over to this guy that was pissing me off and got his attention. I took a medicine dropper, filled it with the stuff (which he thought was acid) and shot it all over his face. It was hot water, so he thought he was burning! He started screaming, 'Cj threw acid on me!!!' And promptly began thrashing and shrieking. Everyone stared at me. Then I held the beaker aloft, threw my head back and drank the whole thing. The teacher nearly dropped dead on the spot. The rest you can just imagine. --CJ Calo C__________________________________________________________________________ From: rcousine@malibu.sfu.ca (Ryan John Cousineau) My High School science courses were similarly interesting. We had a Science 10 teacher who wasn't usually much for science. As a demonstration, he dropped a blob of sodium into a pan of water. Very impressive. Especially when, with a "pop" the sodium exploded in front of the teacher. He did the demo for the next block with a much smaller piece of sodium... Another good one was our Chem 12 teacher, who left some disgusting, viscous black mixture on his lab table at the front of the class. We were all busy at our desks, when all of a sudden there was a huge, loud "POP!" and the sucker exploded! Blew black goo up to the ceiling, over the front desks, down to the floor. The stuff on the ceiling never did come off, and some of the students would no longer sit in the front row. C__________________________________________________________________________ From: gandalf@gibeah.connected.com (Gandalf the Grey) Ammonium tri-iodide is an extremely fun chemical. But you have to be careful. My chem prof played a really cool joke on this really annoying bastard in my class. Real pop-off, and he deserved it. You simply fix iodine crystals (expensive) and ammonia (roughtly as much as the crystals can dissolve into). While it is liquid, it's reasonably safe. Don't use more than a drop on anything, since it will explode once it's dry, and can be dangerous. However, when placed on a countertop in a very small amount, the first person to touch it gets quite a surprise and a stain on their skin and doesn't come off easily. Hilarious actually. I've only made it once, though. C__________________________________________________________________________ From: eapu160@rigel.oac.uci.edu (Mr. Wizard) I know that this doesn't really count as a "prank", but once in high school chem we were doing potassium experiments, and there were 36 students (so there were 37 people including the teacher). Each student has 20 test tubes full of water and into each one he or she places a small amount of potassium (the experiment was supposed to test the production of hydrogen.) After the experiment, each person puts the test tubes into a central trash can (for those of you slow in math, that's 740 test tubes EACH ONE of which is pumping out hydrogen.) Later on we were doing tests with glowing splints, and the teacher said "don't put a burning splint into the trash can" (for obvious reasons) Well, one girl thought that a glowing splint (not burning) would be ok. All I can say is that the column of red flame was more spectacular than any movie nuclear blast! In fact, to this day (6 years later), there is still a very large burn mark on the ceiling of that classroom. Another one with the same teacher was another potassium mishap. Since potassium cannot be stored in water, it is stored in a sort of oil. Well, he took a golf-ball size chunk and held it in is hand as he cut it. Un- fortunately, the oil was slippery and the chunk fell into the beaker. Well, what happened was that the beaker EXPLODED and impaled the teacher with several bits of glass (he was in hospital for a day or two) and the desk was strewn with a hundred or so pock-marks. However, one real prank was with the SAME teacher was in order to keep sanity and good behaviour in class, he would keep 2 squirt guns with him. One with water, and the other with SILVER NITRATE SOLUTION. (this stuff looks just like water but it turns skin BLACK on contact) He shot about 4 people during the year, but only one girl (the same one with the hydrogen) got the silver nitrate (on the FACE!!!). Finally, this was one I did in college. My first year in the dorms, I would keep a bottle of root beer which someone would continually drink without my knowing. After I couldn't stand it anymore, I went to a friend in the chem dept. and asked him for an acid/base indicator that turns base pink (I forget what the indicator was), and put a bit in my root beer bottle. The plan was that human urine is somewhat base, so when the culprit drank my root beer, he began to pee pink. Needless to say, about 12 hours later, this guy thought he was gonna die! C__________________________________________________________________________ From: daudo@bcars201.bnr.ca (Dau Do) Yeah, these stories remind me about my science teacher. He's used to wear a prescripted sunglass so that no one knew that he's sleeping while students were writing test. Anyway, after one of the experiments that used acids, one guy in my class pour the acid on his desk. He didn't know and took off his glass put on the wet spot. When he put it on again, his skin burned left a red circular around his eyes ... ___________________________________________________________________________ From: lister@dbreath.uucp (Lister) Well I am a Medical Technologist, and through the years in the field we have pulled some good jokes. One of the funny ones I can remember is a day when I was working in Hematology. One of the other techs, that was working in Chemistry, was this real whining hypochondriac. Well he came over to me telling me that he felt really sick and was wondering if I would run A CBC and Differential on him. So I drew his blood and labeled it and it to hematology and ran it.. It was normal as normal could be, but I decided to have a bit of fun. Earlier in the day a known CLL patient had been in and gave some blood, so I took one of the extra tubes, poured it into a new tube and labeled it with this techs info (making sure to make a mark as to not confuse the real sample up). Well I ran the CLL pt. blood and made a smear, then I went over to him and said "you had better take a look at this". He came over and looked at the results and then looked at the smear, and went a bit pale and said that I must have mixed it up, with somebody else. So I gave him the falsely labeled tube and he ran it himself getting the same results. You should have seen his face I thought he was gonna Die right there! Anyway I let him suffer for about 2 min. or so then gave him the real results and from the look on his face I though I was gonna die! C__________________________________________________________________________ From: lwric1@MFS04.cc.monash.edu.au (LUKE RICHARDS) My Yr 12 chemistry teacher (young guy, had only been teaching for about three or four years) told us about the time when he was at College doing his dip ed, and he was working with sodium. He was pouring the kerosine off the oil and down the sink, and there was one chip of sodium left at the bottom of the tin he was emptying (unfortunately for him). Well, it fell out, and because someone had been using the sink before him there was water in there. The sodium ignited, flared and set the kerosine on fire which then raced along the length of the sink and down the plughole with one almighty explosion. He said he had to have a haircut that night because he lost his fringe and both his eyebrows. C__________________________________________________________________________ From: gapv64@cent.gla.ac.uk (Brian Ewins) Yet another exploding light metal story.... A friend of mine was recently doing a PhD in Chemistry in the building next door to where I am writing this... anyway, his project seemed to involve increasingly more dangerous chemicals for no good reason. Normally, you sign out all chemicals, and they're all accounted for at the end of the day. But, towards the end of his PhD, he opened one of his cupboards to discover a jar of Sodium that he'd got, never used, and the paperwork (it turned out) for it had since been lost. This was *2 Kg* of sodium in a big lump. Sodiums not very dense, that's a big f**ker. Anyhow, the fate of this lost lump was to accompany some of the students out to a lake in the park, where they threw it...still in its jar (that they managed to get this far at all is kinda surprising because they were all completely blootered at the time). And then, in a masterpiece of forward planning, they got out the airgun :o) ... 'cos they were all drunk, and the jar (now floating on the lake) was fairly thick, it took quite a few shots to break. Surprisingly, the thing didn't explode...it just sat there burning. (obviously only the surface of the lump was reacting, but even so...) So they all sat down, cracked open some more beers, and watched the sodium light up the night. Cool. C__________________________________________________________________________ From: What follows is not an invented joke, but a true story, although I may have embellished it a little over many years of telling. "Sister Karen" was a nun and a Chemistry teacher who had come to work on her Master's degree with my now retired colleague Prof Herbert Meislich , who happens to be Jewish. Her first task was to monobrominate a ketone. She added her Br2, and started the stirrer as instructed....nothing happened ..... STILL no decolorisation...... after some time she is getting worried, and asks another student, who told her - "See that man over there - that's Prof McKelvie, ask him" A slightly out of breath nun comes up to me - "Prof McKelvie? My reaction won't work !" My evil mind was thinking WHICH of her reactions was not working, but that's another st story. ) Anyway, I could have told her that bromination is dependent on making the enol, and this is promoted ny acid, so that the HBr produced will aid enolisation and all will be well. BUT - that morning I'd found on the floor a Star of David that had fallen off some Jewish girl's neck, and I'd been looking for the owner... INSPIRATION! - the problem is that you've had the wrong theoretical training ! Just a moment ....I tied the Star of David around her apparatus, added a few drops of hydrochloric acid just to help things along, and announced that NOW it would work in five minutes ! It took four minutes and 50 seconds by my watch. "SEE?!" She had the brains and a good Irish sense of humour to realise she was being "had", and I explained that it was her Organic Chemistry that was being deficient, not theology...... (Aftermath - two Jewish girls came down from upstairs and wanted to borrow the gold chain so that THEIR reactions would work better........) Neil McKelvie C__________________________________________________________________________ From: "Back when I was taking Chemistry 101, my instructor did a little demonstration " [this is the proper start for this Urban Legend] "He pointed to a large beaker on the table full of yellow liquid. He said: The first thing a chemist must learn is not to be disgusted by anything. This is a beaker of horse urine. The simplest way to determine if the horse is diabetic (dipping his finger in the beaker) has always been to simply taste for sugar! (licking his finger!)" "Is there anyone here willing to demonstrate?" and a big guy from a fraternity came up with a grin on his face to taste the "urine", knowing it was a gag. He dipped his finger in the "urine" and licked it dry --- and from the expression on his face, it really was urine! "The second thing a chemist must learn is to be observant! (Holding up his hand, the professor demonstrates.) I dipped the _other_ finger!!!" +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ -- Joachim Verhagen Email:J.C.D.Verhagen@fys.ruu.nl Department of molecular biofysics, University of Utrecht Utrecht, The Netherlands.